No Dreams

Well, in the world there are people who succeeded at their very first try.

That makes me jealous.

As far as I have concerned, I am a person who is freaking jealousy.

People got more and I hated it.

So, the consequence is that I never learn to appreciate. Never.

And then I fall into my circle.

Who cares?

..............................................................................................................

Alright, let's say you care.

Just pretend like you care.

..lol..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, in the competition I joined last month we were short-listed to the brand's judge panel.

And we couldn't win any places.

I thought, I had put a lot of efforts on it but then it responded this way.

I spent money on it and I thought I could get back some in addition 

so my mama needs not worry about me for at least... 

a few months.

None. Not a cent.

I told my lecturers and they said 'that's great at least you were short-listed'.

That's not totally incorrect.

I just like this motivation.

But you know...

when you opt for something and you don't get it right beside you...

here comes a feeling of

"這不是肯德基家鄉雞 !!!"

while... actually,

"奶奶's 家鄉雞 is much better !"

when you sense a kind of

FAILURE

Anyway...

I better stop complaining and make more.

as I truly believe in my future.

I never want to be defeated since I was born

Although I have failed ever since I was primary 3,

(here's a list of my failures that I wish to share):

1) PTS result did not qualify me to skip standard 4

2) Never stayed in class A (as I went through 4A, 5B, 6C......)

2) UPSR result did not fulfill my wish of get at least 6 As and study in famous SMK

3) 98% of the drawing contests I joined I lost, the highest achievement was...

well, consolation prize.

4) During form 1 I learned guitar and it's just few months later, I quit, at the stage of...

Book 2.

5) I quit because I fell for computer games, e.g. Counter-Strike. I skipped class for games.

And now....

I am not the top gamer, even in my friend's cyber cafe, and still...

being fooled by mates.

6) PMR result did not bring me into Science class. And during that year, I failed to woo a girl.

My first time, and the purest.

7) So I kept going... I had no choice. That's form 4. Yet, I escaped classes for games.

Most notable failure in my life, ever...

is when the warning letter sent to my home, and I still told them lie. That's.... funny.

The slap my daddy dedicated to me had woke me up...

daddy...... dedi-cated...... well, now I know why my homey got so many cats already.

8) I continued to fail until the second exam in form 5. My last year in secondary school life.

Well I know for me that's not bad though, but being compared to the others I was shit.

Whatsoever, it's 2007 and the year I was influenced by Ang Lee's presentation on GHFF.

9) I thought my SPM result could be satisfying but at the end it wasn't. Failed.

10) At that time I wished I could study films, tried hell hard to persuade my mama and she wanted me to rethink about it so I jumped into my high school life, form 6.

11) But before that, that's national service I attended for 3 months. I thought I could make some changes, meet (woo) some girls... 

Well eventually there's one but I don't know what that awkward relation(friend)ship should call.

12) And even before that, during work in CS with my buddies, I thought I could get high sales figure so my commissions could go as high as possible, at the end I just couldn't.

13) So... back to my form 6 life. Nothing special. New friends. New circumstances. New environments. New teachers.

I thought... I have changed. No. I never learn. It's a failure period also.

Results so-so-, and the girl I like ever since the first glimpse... Well, long story. Let's skip.

14) And then, STPM result did not allow me to enter the same University as hers. Well, it's Malaysia number 1 Uni. Who am I to enter that brainy territory? 

I believe I can, if I am able to lick my medulla oblongata. 

Anyway this is the only term I remember for science subject for this short retrospection.

15) And so I thought I go to study film in UNIMAS, one failure is my application of loan was just 9k.

Wtf!? 9K!? What can I do after I paid 7K for fees? Hmmm...

There are more. But I don't wanna type no more.

That's just part of our life

I went through it and tried to change it..

And that's it.

Should just appreciate.

And smile...

while drinking a sip of Hoegarden.

That's life babe!